My glasses might be trending purple-tinted. [Which is a little amusing -- since if there's a color that tends to be associated with him besides black or white, it's green. Not exactly the perfect chromatic pairing, there.] I learned a lot about how hard you try and how far you're willing to go to make a difference. Not that I didn't have the general idea anyway, but that sure makes it clear.
[ She would say she was cleaning up her own mess and trying to satisfy her own pride, but apples and oranges. She does vividly remember dragging her broken body up half a flight of stairs and across one roof trying to find Batman before she passed out. Even she's impressed by how much pain she can still function with. ]
And it's probably good for you to know the limits of my healing power.
[Someday he'll have to tell her the story of how a torturer accidentally broke him so he couldn't feel pain for a while. That wasn't his favorite time, honestly.]
I do call it that. Trying to make a difference in the world counts for a hell of a lot, for me. Hell, we met 'cuz you threw a party!
[ Someday she'll have to tell him the story of her pretend death. Only not, because nobody ever needs to hear the entirety of that story.
She doesn't answer for a time, though there's half a wry smile on her lips as she stares absently at the empty ice cream carton. Is that what she really wants, underneath it all? To make a difference? He's raised some good questions, and they're going to take some serious thought. What exactly is it that she's been trying to prove all these years, and why? She might end up on a high rooftop after all, just to get her thoughts in order. ]
I really just did that for me, you know. I was having a pretty rough time.
Sure. [Morgan points at her with the hand not propping up his chin, thumb cocked.] But of all the things you could've done for yourself, you chose one that also brightened up the lives of other people too.
[ This time she understands, pretty immediately. She keeps her face straight as she slowly raises one eyebrow. Honestly, that doesn't seem much healthier than brooding on gargoyles. But if he had perfect mental health they probably wouldn't be friends. ]
[Morgan clears his throat.] Death is a part of life. Everything ends. Everyone you know will die. Friendships you make will someday stop existing. People you love will leave you, one way or the other. When that happens... you accept that you knew that from the beginning. And that even though it's over now, that you're hurting now, you had joy and happiness and warmth that can never, ever be taken away from you.
[ Oh she's sure. But she looks elsewhere, staring into space with an almost neutral expression. She's not sure the party really helped. Maybe it was just the passage of time. Maybe she's still just going through the motions. ]
I just... didn't expect to lose everything all at once. Not just people. My home, my city, my planet. I always hoped that it was still right there, on the other side of the dome.
Yeah. That's really understandable. And sometimes it's very, very hard to know when to accept it, and when to keep fighting for it -- whatever it is. I talk about accepting the end of friendships, but when all this is over, I'm sure going to try to find a way to reach people I've met here again. I never even met my parents to mourn them and I still plan to violate time and space to get them back.
[Morgan shrugs. The difference to him is clear, but that's from time and experience and some guidance by people very well suited to help him in this matter.]
If I were in that situation, I think what I'd try to do is take it one piece at a time. You can't come to grips with everything at once... just part by part, you know?
[ She ducks her head and bites her lip. She's really afraid that they won't be able to meet again outside of Avalon. That once their job here is done it will be like it never happened, and they won't remember. Or that the moment she's sent back home she'll cease to exist along with everything else. It's not a question anyone could answer with certainty, so she keeps it to herself. ]
I guess that's what really bothers me. That I tried and failed once already. That... That every time I try to make things better I end up making them worse.
[Morgan is substantially less concerned about that, because he can be. He's a Mage who has powerful friends and lives on a nexus world, so to hell with worries like that. He'll find a way, damn it.]
You don't need me to tell you about trying and failing once. Besides. You're talking to me, instead of brooding on a roof. Isn't that some progress towards things getting better?
You're allowed. [Morgan stretches one arm out to grab a lock of hair, the better to play with it a bit while they talk. What can he say, he likes her hair.] It's not something you fix in an instant, just gradually over time. So long as things are slowly moving upwards overall, no matter how the ups and downs in the short term go, you'll get through. Which you will. I believe in you.
[ Her lips twitch, but he's being too sweet for her to hold a grimace. Of course she's not allowed to feel sorry for herself. But she can't say that, because it's not a mindset she has any intention of changing, so there's no point arguing about it. Instead she watches him fiddle with her hair. ]
Well, I have had worse. And I did decide to come back to life eventually.
And you got me to back you up. Or stand by you. Or in front of you, if you need a big ol' meat shield. [Morgan winks at her, ducking his head a little to make certain he can catch her eye.] I dunno about you, but I figure if I have an awesome partner like you, I must be doing something right. So I'll keep trying to be incredible so you think you're doing something right!
[Luckily, he'd gotten a lot of his screwing-up romantically out of the way before her. The thought of just how bad this would go if he were more like he was back in the day is just -- well, let's NOT think about it, okay?]
Well, yes and no... since I'm in no danger of ever failing to meet them, right? [His playful wink is full permission to pick on him for his alleged ego.]
[ She hums her agreement and closes her eyes. Getting emotional is exhausting. So is eating two quarts of ice cream. Maybe she can just sleep through the inevitable stomach-ache... ]
True. You can't get under a bar that's already on the floor.
Oh, God, you had to say it like that. No, Morgan, don't treat that as a challenge! [He scrunches his eyes shut, slapping the heels of his hands to his temples.] Stay good to girlfriend! Somehow resist!
[ She was trying a little, but she did think that being laid out like a bum would take away from the effect. Her smile turns smug. Clearly when you have a stomachache from eating too much ice cream some vigorous exercise is the best cure, right? ]
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2022-07-17 02:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-07-18 05:29 pm (UTC)[ She would say she was cleaning up her own mess and trying to satisfy her own pride, but apples and oranges. She does vividly remember dragging her broken body up half a flight of stairs and across one roof trying to find Batman before she passed out. Even she's impressed by how much pain she can still function with. ]
And it's probably good for you to know the limits of my healing power.
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Date: 2022-07-18 09:20 pm (UTC)I do call it that. Trying to make a difference in the world counts for a hell of a lot, for me. Hell, we met 'cuz you threw a party!
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Date: 2022-07-19 12:21 am (UTC)She doesn't answer for a time, though there's half a wry smile on her lips as she stares absently at the empty ice cream carton. Is that what she really wants, underneath it all? To make a difference? He's raised some good questions, and they're going to take some serious thought. What exactly is it that she's been trying to prove all these years, and why? She might end up on a high rooftop after all, just to get her thoughts in order. ]
I really just did that for me, you know. I was having a pretty rough time.
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Date: 2022-07-19 12:49 am (UTC)[Bang. Shots fired, try and avoid that hit!]
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Date: 2022-07-19 02:14 pm (UTC)...What do people usually do when they've been grieving for too long? Like, normal people who don't hide from their problems on top of gargoyles.
[ That's a serious question, Gotham doesn't do grief in any kind of normal way. ]
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Date: 2022-08-03 02:26 pm (UTC)[And promptly turns bright red, as he realizes what his personal answer is to that.]
Uh, that's -- different for everyone. Phil--philosophically, I'd say the answer is in acceptance.
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Date: 2022-08-03 03:41 pm (UTC)...I'm not sure that's how that works.
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Date: 2022-08-03 04:00 pm (UTC)[Morgan clears his throat.] Death is a part of life. Everything ends. Everyone you know will die. Friendships you make will someday stop existing. People you love will leave you, one way or the other. When that happens... you accept that you knew that from the beginning. And that even though it's over now, that you're hurting now, you had joy and happiness and warmth that can never, ever be taken away from you.
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Date: 2022-08-03 04:44 pm (UTC)I just... didn't expect to lose everything all at once. Not just people. My home, my city, my planet. I always hoped that it was still right there, on the other side of the dome.
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Date: 2022-08-03 05:00 pm (UTC)[Morgan shrugs. The difference to him is clear, but that's from time and experience and some guidance by people very well suited to help him in this matter.]
If I were in that situation, I think what I'd try to do is take it one piece at a time. You can't come to grips with everything at once... just part by part, you know?
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Date: 2022-08-03 05:09 pm (UTC)I guess that's what really bothers me. That I tried and failed once already. That... That every time I try to make things better I end up making them worse.
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Date: 2022-08-03 05:14 pm (UTC)You don't need me to tell you about trying and failing once. Besides. You're talking to me, instead of brooding on a roof. Isn't that some progress towards things getting better?
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Date: 2022-08-03 05:23 pm (UTC)I dunno. I'm just feeling sorry for myself, I guess.
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Date: 2022-08-03 05:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-08-11 02:48 pm (UTC)Well, I have had worse. And I did decide to come back to life eventually.
[ Doesn't make it suck less, though. ]
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Date: 2022-08-14 02:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-08-22 01:12 pm (UTC)Well, of course. You know how incredibly high my standards are.
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Date: 2022-08-23 08:45 pm (UTC)Well, yes and no... since I'm in no danger of ever failing to meet them, right? [His playful wink is full permission to pick on him for his alleged ego.]
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Date: 2022-08-27 05:08 pm (UTC)True. You can't get under a bar that's already on the floor.
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Date: 2022-08-31 02:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-09-03 03:28 pm (UTC)[ She grins wickedly up at him, still stretched out on the table. ]
Not for long, anyway.
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Date: 2022-09-05 01:09 am (UTC)[He doesn't think she's TRYING, but that grin... it does things to him.]
Is it a threat or a promise or a hint?!
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Date: 2022-09-05 04:24 pm (UTC)All of the above?
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Date: 2022-09-07 07:44 pm (UTC)[He can't help it. He's got it bad for her.]
See, answers like that just show why you're such an amazing girl.
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