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Apr. 19th, 2007 02:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morganknightI don't know what to say any more, honestly.
Or perhaps who to say it to. I seem to be running out of friends... slowly squeezed out of my normal haunts by the completely amoral crowd that increasingly runs around, ever expanding. It wouldn't be a terrible analogy to compare Rhydin to Earth, now.
There's always Stormy, but I can't talk to Stormy about a lot of my problems. Not because I don't trust her or think she'll listen, but just because I don't think she'll understand. She's still not terribly familiar with Rhydin, and she still blames herself and takes too much on herself right now. I want to help her... and I don't know HOW to talk to her about my problems. Stephen's out because Stephen's in full-asshole mode lately, especially to me. He might understand what I want to say better, but care? That's a lot more questionable.
Aten is growing so well. No man on earth could ask for a better child than she is. I say that now, knowing full well I'm headed for trouble when she learns to walk and talk and be a little terro, but even then I'll love her even as I want to kill her. Not that I actually want to kill her. I read about things like Shaken Baby Syndrome and child abuse and wonder what on earth is WRONG with people. How could anyone bear to harm their own child? The thought of any pain or suffering coming to Aten from any source sends chills through my spine... but from me? I couldn't live with myself.
I've been trying to help a brother-sister pair named Patrick and Sheena. It's a very complicated situation... rescuing the one from a demon who owns his soul and has enslaved him in a mind, rescuing the other from her own stubborn self-destruction and denial of her abilities. Not that I can blame her on the latter, if she really does lose her mind every time she shifts. Still, there's got to be SOMEthing I can do for them... even if it's just be a friend.
Maybe I could talk to Carolyn about things. I don't know if she'll understand, but at least she seems more prepared to accept my existence without questioning how I think and feel for no good reason. I don't know. I don't know what to think or who to turn to any more. What I need, and what I seem to lack, is a simple, uncomplicated, UNBURDENED friendship. Not that I begrudge any of my friends the effort I give them, but sometimes it'd just be nice to relax and hang out and not have to worry about anything. Just have some fun with someone.
I'm so frustrated.
Or perhaps who to say it to. I seem to be running out of friends... slowly squeezed out of my normal haunts by the completely amoral crowd that increasingly runs around, ever expanding. It wouldn't be a terrible analogy to compare Rhydin to Earth, now.
There's always Stormy, but I can't talk to Stormy about a lot of my problems. Not because I don't trust her or think she'll listen, but just because I don't think she'll understand. She's still not terribly familiar with Rhydin, and she still blames herself and takes too much on herself right now. I want to help her... and I don't know HOW to talk to her about my problems. Stephen's out because Stephen's in full-asshole mode lately, especially to me. He might understand what I want to say better, but care? That's a lot more questionable.
Aten is growing so well. No man on earth could ask for a better child than she is. I say that now, knowing full well I'm headed for trouble when she learns to walk and talk and be a little terro, but even then I'll love her even as I want to kill her. Not that I actually want to kill her. I read about things like Shaken Baby Syndrome and child abuse and wonder what on earth is WRONG with people. How could anyone bear to harm their own child? The thought of any pain or suffering coming to Aten from any source sends chills through my spine... but from me? I couldn't live with myself.
I've been trying to help a brother-sister pair named Patrick and Sheena. It's a very complicated situation... rescuing the one from a demon who owns his soul and has enslaved him in a mind, rescuing the other from her own stubborn self-destruction and denial of her abilities. Not that I can blame her on the latter, if she really does lose her mind every time she shifts. Still, there's got to be SOMEthing I can do for them... even if it's just be a friend.
Maybe I could talk to Carolyn about things. I don't know if she'll understand, but at least she seems more prepared to accept my existence without questioning how I think and feel for no good reason. I don't know. I don't know what to think or who to turn to any more. What I need, and what I seem to lack, is a simple, uncomplicated, UNBURDENED friendship. Not that I begrudge any of my friends the effort I give them, but sometimes it'd just be nice to relax and hang out and not have to worry about anything. Just have some fun with someone.
I'm so frustrated.
