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Apr. 21st, 2004 07:35 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morganknightWhy do I bother? Why do I even bother?
There are three people, maybe, I can trust. The first is Cat, although we'll see how long *that* lasts. It seems right now she's more irritated at me for being miserable than anything else. Whenever we talk our discussion seems to come back to "Well, other people have problems too, it's not just you." I bloody well know that, Cat! I know you've had a rough life too! I know your mother gave you up and you never really had many friends or family until you came to Rhydin. Well, guess what? You have friends now! You have family now! Everything worked out pretty damn well for YOU!
Next is Katie, who so help me I can't keep *bothering* all the time. With everything going on, I need to learn to step away. She's got way way too many problems to just be holding my hand and tell me it's all right all the time. She's always the person I end up going to when I need solace or comforting, and that needs to stop. She just doesn't need my problems. I need to stop putting them on her.
Lastly there's Nhairis, who I don't know what to make of at all. She wants to be a mother figure to me, okay. But in about a week I have to go into hiding and not come back to Earth. She's not going to move to Rhydin, she'll come in to train me, but...
I need very much to learn to deal with things on my own. Let Cat get back to Stephen, let Katie go on with her life, let Nhairis be part of her family. And maybe then I can rest without so much guilt.
There are three people, maybe, I can trust. The first is Cat, although we'll see how long *that* lasts. It seems right now she's more irritated at me for being miserable than anything else. Whenever we talk our discussion seems to come back to "Well, other people have problems too, it's not just you." I bloody well know that, Cat! I know you've had a rough life too! I know your mother gave you up and you never really had many friends or family until you came to Rhydin. Well, guess what? You have friends now! You have family now! Everything worked out pretty damn well for YOU!
Next is Katie, who so help me I can't keep *bothering* all the time. With everything going on, I need to learn to step away. She's got way way too many problems to just be holding my hand and tell me it's all right all the time. She's always the person I end up going to when I need solace or comforting, and that needs to stop. She just doesn't need my problems. I need to stop putting them on her.
Lastly there's Nhairis, who I don't know what to make of at all. She wants to be a mother figure to me, okay. But in about a week I have to go into hiding and not come back to Earth. She's not going to move to Rhydin, she'll come in to train me, but...
I need very much to learn to deal with things on my own. Let Cat get back to Stephen, let Katie go on with her life, let Nhairis be part of her family. And maybe then I can rest without so much guilt.
