morganknight (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
morganknight) wrote2004-09-25 02:43 pm
morganknight) wrote2004-09-25 02:43 pm
(no subject)
Seamus is out of the hospital, though he shouldn't be, and up and moving, though he shouldn't be. I can't help but sympathize with him, even though I worry -- I would go nuts from inactivity too, in his shoes. I suppose that's a failing of mine as an Akashic, but hey, me failing as an Akashic, what else is new?
I showed him the note, the other night. He still doesn't understand why I believed it, and he won't let me explain it. Last night he just blew me off as if I didn't exist. I really which I understood. I've never, ever quite gotten my place in this so-called family. It seems that one day I'm welcome, needed almost, and the next I'm just a fringe members, tolerated at best and ignored whenever possible. Am I wanted? I know the answer should be yes, but... I don't know. Maybe I'm just wishing for consistency. In Rhydin, that may be too much to ask.
I have caught on, however slowly, to the fact that harassing Seamus about his decisions is not going to help him. Unlike certain people I know, who also think that whining when he tells them to shut up is good. I think that when I figure out why people actually like Sylvie at all, I will be that much closer to understanding why humanity is so fucked up in general.
But not in specific. There's a part of me, somewhere deep down inside, that almost resents how well Sashra can talk me out of frustrations, get me to listen, give me hope. It's not a very big part, needless to say. She's just... amazing. I can't believe I ever worked up the guts to do what I did... and that it worked.
In some sort of ways this is a tremendous responsibility. I'm her best friend, and now we're going to be dating... She's such a pure and innocent soul, despite the corruption we've all cheerfully been inflicting on her. I have to look out for her. I have to be the best person I can be. However things work out, I want this all to be a good thing, in the end.
I showed him the note, the other night. He still doesn't understand why I believed it, and he won't let me explain it. Last night he just blew me off as if I didn't exist. I really which I understood. I've never, ever quite gotten my place in this so-called family. It seems that one day I'm welcome, needed almost, and the next I'm just a fringe members, tolerated at best and ignored whenever possible. Am I wanted? I know the answer should be yes, but... I don't know. Maybe I'm just wishing for consistency. In Rhydin, that may be too much to ask.
I have caught on, however slowly, to the fact that harassing Seamus about his decisions is not going to help him. Unlike certain people I know, who also think that whining when he tells them to shut up is good. I think that when I figure out why people actually like Sylvie at all, I will be that much closer to understanding why humanity is so fucked up in general.
But not in specific. There's a part of me, somewhere deep down inside, that almost resents how well Sashra can talk me out of frustrations, get me to listen, give me hope. It's not a very big part, needless to say. She's just... amazing. I can't believe I ever worked up the guts to do what I did... and that it worked.
In some sort of ways this is a tremendous responsibility. I'm her best friend, and now we're going to be dating... She's such a pure and innocent soul, despite the corruption we've all cheerfully been inflicting on her. I have to look out for her. I have to be the best person I can be. However things work out, I want this all to be a good thing, in the end.