(no subject)

I am standing at the head of the group -- Cat, Stephen, Fallon, Jack, Rose, Vee. We are armed and ready for bear. We are trained, we are ready. Against us stands a Celestial Chorister - turned - Nephandus -- vile and evil beyond compare. This should be no challenge. I raise my sword and signal the attack...

As one, my team falls. Bodies savaged, riddles with dark energies that drain them of their life force even as I watch. In their eyes, the last light reveals their bitter hatred. Why did you make us into this? Why did you bring us to this? Why didn't you save us?

I wake up...

My sword is ripped from my hands, and I am powerless to help it. The werewolf that has taken it shifts to her human form. It is Andrea. She smiles darkly, and leans forward. "I would rather have you as a cripple -- a broken, soulless shell of a man, than as a brother. You piece of shit." She backhands me, leaving cruel cuts across my face. I reach for my chi, try to focus, try to heal -- but without my soul, the magic will not come...

I wake up...

Mom and Dad are standing back to back, near-identical smirks on their faces as they unload their ammunition into the ranks of monsters which charge them. They are both dead. They know it. They have made it their point to kill as many as they can before they go down.

"We're gonna die, Maureen," Dad says, utterly calm.
"I know," Mom says, speaking similarly.
"I love you," Dad says.
Mom doesn't say anything.
"Maureen?"
"Asshole."
"What?" Dad is shocked. Mom never said anything like this to him -- never seriously.
"Y'hauled me out here t'die."
"I thought you wanted to come --"
"I came 'cause you wanted to! Always thinkin'a yerself!" She stops firing now, turning to glare at Dad with fire in her eyes. "We coulda let well 'nough 'lone. We coulda lived t'see t'morrow!"
Dad stops firing. He turns to face her. I can see his heart breaking. He starts to speak, but it's interrupted. Something has put a bullet through his side.
Mom winces in pain. Blood blooms on her trenchcoat, and shirt. The two stand staring, in silence, at each other.
"You fuckin' ass." Mom raises her gun, pointblank, to Dad's head and squeezes the trigger. It is the last motion she makes before her head is torn off...

I wake up for the last time, and can no longer sleep.

I was forced into a deal with a creature called Kymeera -- the opposite of Revari, and the other one I caught in Stephen's nightmare when I entered it to help him. He used my concern for Stephen as a weapon, and consequently I was chosen, half by luck and half by my own determination, to be the one whose dreams became Kymeera's playground, in perrpetuity, until the being decides otherwise.

It was either myself or Stephen. I don't regret that it was me. But the fucker is as good as I thought he'd be. I have one advantage few other people have -- my dreams are all lucid. I survived last night because I could tell myself, This is only a dream. And know it for a fact.

Last night I wandered into the Moon practically in a daze, having had this to deal with. I was out of it for a while, though I kept playing as my cheerful self, and then abruptly Cat and Stephen took off with Rose. Why? They were giving her a fashion makeover! (Meanwhile, the snake in the till bit off my nose, but I healed it.)

Suddenly Irina starts throwing a fit. "You didn't have to change her," or the like -- as if an expansion of wardrobe is a bad, terrible thing. It wasn't so much what she said as the way she said it. Oh, did she anger Stephen and Cat.

Myself, I'm just disgusted. Irina runs hot and cold so often, I never know what to expect. She seems to have made it clear that she's set herself against us, though, because she's never willing to initiate a conversation, and always willing to act as if we've wronged her terribly.

Stephen was upset, so I drove Cat, Seamus, and Rose down to catch up with him and cheer him up. It was a very cute couples night, which is why I slipped out. I hope they had a good night.

I guarded Seamus and Rose's night, although there was no need for me.

I've reached my limit, I think. I need someone to just give me a hug and tell me that everything will be all right, but no person like that exists. I'm on my own, when it comes right down to it -- I have only myself to rely on for the strength to face adversity.