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Jan. 21st, 2004 04:30 pmI have one thing to say, I'll say it loud and I'll say it proud -- MEH!
Stephen finished his plan to get Rose and Seamus their papers last night. As far as I can tell it's going to go off totally without a hitch. Stephen's the boy of the hour, and -- I don't want to say I envy him, exactly, but I wish I could do something worthwhile and meaningful to people.
I've been doing some thinking. Where do I stand, exactly? I'm starting martial arts lessons, for Stephen and Irina, and possibly Cat, but that reinforces that I'm, well, less than skilled myself. Oh sure, I can whup ass with the best of them, but for an Akashic, I'm really lagging. I've let myself slip, transitioning back into my new life. Hell, let's face it, I shouldn't even be teaching anyone, I'm no sensei.
I have an answer for that, though. There's an Akashic presence in Pittsburgh, and her name is Nhairis. My sensei at the temple always spoke of her with great respect. Perhaps I can in some way prove myself worthy of becoming her student. I'm going to do that.
I've been helping people in little ways, too. Stephen and Irina now have jobs and places to live in Rhydin because of me. But somehow that just doesn't match up to the things I've seen other people do. I have the drive to help and the desire to make a difference in this world for the better, but it seems I can't follow through on it. Money isn't everything; in fact, it's less than nothing. I guess someone who doesn't have as much as I do would see it differently, but let's be honest -- no matter how hard I try, I'll only ever be able to use a fraction of my net worth.
Well, first things first, I'm going to have Stephen and Irina's apartments re-furnished. By which I mean I'm going to update them for the 21st century. Widescreen plasma entertainment megasystems, WiDELAN fitted, add on bookshelves, whatever they want. If there's nothing else I can do with money, I can at least make my friends' living environments pleasant.
Tonight's my date with Irina, and I honestly don't know what I'm hoping for. In some ways, she''s really attractive, and in others, not at all. She's holding me at a distance, and I don't know what to do about it. In some ways we're so vastly different, I don't know if the gulf can be bridged. I don't want to hurt her. But I'm still gonna try the date thing.
I need some direction in my life. Not just things I want to learn and things I want to do. The Holotheater will be opening soon, I hope. Maybe that will help me feel better. Maybe I'll find something I'm looking for, somewhere. I just have to keep my heart and my eyes open.
Stephen finished his plan to get Rose and Seamus their papers last night. As far as I can tell it's going to go off totally without a hitch. Stephen's the boy of the hour, and -- I don't want to say I envy him, exactly, but I wish I could do something worthwhile and meaningful to people.
I've been doing some thinking. Where do I stand, exactly? I'm starting martial arts lessons, for Stephen and Irina, and possibly Cat, but that reinforces that I'm, well, less than skilled myself. Oh sure, I can whup ass with the best of them, but for an Akashic, I'm really lagging. I've let myself slip, transitioning back into my new life. Hell, let's face it, I shouldn't even be teaching anyone, I'm no sensei.
I have an answer for that, though. There's an Akashic presence in Pittsburgh, and her name is Nhairis. My sensei at the temple always spoke of her with great respect. Perhaps I can in some way prove myself worthy of becoming her student. I'm going to do that.
I've been helping people in little ways, too. Stephen and Irina now have jobs and places to live in Rhydin because of me. But somehow that just doesn't match up to the things I've seen other people do. I have the drive to help and the desire to make a difference in this world for the better, but it seems I can't follow through on it. Money isn't everything; in fact, it's less than nothing. I guess someone who doesn't have as much as I do would see it differently, but let's be honest -- no matter how hard I try, I'll only ever be able to use a fraction of my net worth.
Well, first things first, I'm going to have Stephen and Irina's apartments re-furnished. By which I mean I'm going to update them for the 21st century. Widescreen plasma entertainment megasystems, WiDELAN fitted, add on bookshelves, whatever they want. If there's nothing else I can do with money, I can at least make my friends' living environments pleasant.
Tonight's my date with Irina, and I honestly don't know what I'm hoping for. In some ways, she''s really attractive, and in others, not at all. She's holding me at a distance, and I don't know what to do about it. In some ways we're so vastly different, I don't know if the gulf can be bridged. I don't want to hurt her. But I'm still gonna try the date thing.
I need some direction in my life. Not just things I want to learn and things I want to do. The Holotheater will be opening soon, I hope. Maybe that will help me feel better. Maybe I'll find something I'm looking for, somewhere. I just have to keep my heart and my eyes open.
