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Jun. 28th, 2004 01:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morganknightFuck it all and no regrets, I hit the lights on these dark sets. I need a voice to let myself, to let myself go free. Fuck it all and fucking no regrets, I hit the lights on these dark sets. Medallion noose, I hang myself St. Anger 'round my neck.
If someone Cat or Seamus cared about went to the hospital, and I knew and didn't tell them, they'd kill me. But if I get angry because my little sister is there and Cat couldn't be bothered and Seamus wouldn't because he hates me, well, I'm supposed to just suck it up and be cheerful about it.
So, strike Seamus, Cat, and Maiko off the list of friends I have (or want to be friends of, in certain cases). All in all, that makes last night pretty damn productive.
What I hate worst is knowing Seamus is right about one thing. I'm awful for Katie. Really awful. When I'm around her, I upset her, but I can't just leave or she'll blame herself. I need to explain to her that I wasn't mad at her for talking to Duncan that one night, I was mad at Duncan for blowing me off like it was wrong for me to care about her... but he's right, it is. How do I let her live her life in peace? How do I remove myself from it without her knowing?
I'm already forbidden from seeing her until she's better. Of course, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK SHE HAS, so I have no idea how long THAT will be. I suppose the easiest thing would just be to... be quiet. I know she won't look for me. If I just don't go looking for her, then... I'll have a few months, at least, I hope.
Maybe I can come back, and be a friend again, when I'm strong. When I can help people, instead of needing help all the time. When I can fight my own battles...
There's a girl, living in the Holotheater complex. She displaced one of the holograms I generated for company. Why is she there, you ask? She's a Technocrat. She's there to call a strike raid down on me. But now she's turned traitor, for reasons I can't even begin to fathom, so I'm looking at an assault on my home to capture both of us. Funny. I was starting to like her, until I discovered she was real, living here under false pretenses, and just one more damn source of trouble for me. I can't throw her out, though. Her little dragon Shard is Chibi Kami-sama's best friend now. I couldn't bear to see my poor kitty unhappy.
Shit. Nothing's going right.
If someone Cat or Seamus cared about went to the hospital, and I knew and didn't tell them, they'd kill me. But if I get angry because my little sister is there and Cat couldn't be bothered and Seamus wouldn't because he hates me, well, I'm supposed to just suck it up and be cheerful about it.
So, strike Seamus, Cat, and Maiko off the list of friends I have (or want to be friends of, in certain cases). All in all, that makes last night pretty damn productive.
What I hate worst is knowing Seamus is right about one thing. I'm awful for Katie. Really awful. When I'm around her, I upset her, but I can't just leave or she'll blame herself. I need to explain to her that I wasn't mad at her for talking to Duncan that one night, I was mad at Duncan for blowing me off like it was wrong for me to care about her... but he's right, it is. How do I let her live her life in peace? How do I remove myself from it without her knowing?
I'm already forbidden from seeing her until she's better. Of course, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK SHE HAS, so I have no idea how long THAT will be. I suppose the easiest thing would just be to... be quiet. I know she won't look for me. If I just don't go looking for her, then... I'll have a few months, at least, I hope.
Maybe I can come back, and be a friend again, when I'm strong. When I can help people, instead of needing help all the time. When I can fight my own battles...
There's a girl, living in the Holotheater complex. She displaced one of the holograms I generated for company. Why is she there, you ask? She's a Technocrat. She's there to call a strike raid down on me. But now she's turned traitor, for reasons I can't even begin to fathom, so I'm looking at an assault on my home to capture both of us. Funny. I was starting to like her, until I discovered she was real, living here under false pretenses, and just one more damn source of trouble for me. I can't throw her out, though. Her little dragon Shard is Chibi Kami-sama's best friend now. I couldn't bear to see my poor kitty unhappy.
Shit. Nothing's going right.
